The Mystery of Maybe
by CIAChick
Summary: Lorelai angst. PostRaincoats and Recipes, but starting with Star Crossed Lovers.


**The Mystery of Maybe**

_"Hey, how's it going?" _

Lorelai's not sure she's ever uttered those words since the day Rachel walked back in the diner.

When she saw Rachel in Luke's apron or his hand in hers as they attended the town meeting, something in her chest tugged at her and made it hard to function.

The ache kept her up at nights, confusing her loneliness with missing Max.

She knew it was silly to think of him as _her_ Luke, but for almost six years it had been that way to her. He had always been there—keeping an eye out on Rory (or her when she needed it), dropping by the house to see if there were any repairs to be done or even on rare occasions, chaperoning them if the Jeep was in the shop.

The constant questioning of the townspeople about their relationship did nothing to hinder her feelings. In fact, although she would never admit it, it delighted her when people mistook them for a couple. If Luke was there with her, they would exchange sly glances and there had always seemed to be a glimmer of "maybe" in his eyes. It made her stomach do flips.

She had always worried, in the back of her mind, that she would never have the "whole package." She had her job and now, even, the new inn, a nice house, and a wonderful daughter. But she wanted someone to soothe that ache—it wasn't Christopher or Max. And it certainly wasn't Jason.

A new feeling had started that year—a slight constriction in her throat when Rory was at school. An even greater loneliness settled on the house, knowing she had no one to come home to or laugh over dinner with, or fall asleep on the couch with after watching horrible late night movies. This new ache had always been there, covered by dating and her life with Rory, but now, late at night, it was palpable. Lorelai felt like she could reach out from her bed and grab it.

But finally, after three years, the sly glances stopped and the glimmer in Luke's eyes became even more pronounced.

And she had no idea how to handle it.

When he kissed her, everything seemed to fly away except for the voice in her head screaming, _This__ is right. This is it. This is Luke. _

But a lot had happened between the moment his lips left hers and now. Rory and Dean. After her initial breakdown, Rory had acted composed and put-together; she was leaving for Europe the next day.

Luke had called while she was at work, asking if they were still on for the movie. She hadn't called back.

But after Rory was in her room, Lorelai slipped out and down to the diner.

She stared through the glass, watching as he wiped down the counters, his face serious as usual.

Finally she rapped on the glass, her heart pounding louder and louder as he looked up and moved towards the door.

"Hey," she said softly.

"You didn't call," he said gruffly. She shook her head, not able to meet his gaze.

"I didn't—Rory's—I was scared," she lets herself admit the truth, frustrated with herself. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she sank down onto a stool. "I'm sorry," she glanced up at Luke, who was a bit startled by her display of emotion. "I don't know what I was thinking. I freaked out—I pulled a, well, me," she chuckled through her tears and Luke smiled sadly at her. "I've been kidding myself. I finally have you, this great man—you're all I've wanted for four years and then I go and screw it up." She shook her head, breathing hard.

Luke handed her a napkin and stared at her in amazement. "What did you say? About the four years?"

Lorelai tried to laugh but the sound got caught in her throat so she managed a weak smile instead. "I said I think I've wanted this for a long time."

"That's what I thought you said," he replied, sitting down next to her.

Lorelai sat there anxiously in the silence. "But I'll understand if--"

"No," Luke finally looked up. "It's what I've wanted too." Lorelai let out a long sigh.

"Do you think we're crazy?" She asked softly.

"I think _you're_ crazy." He replied and she rolled her eyes, but noticed that his hand had slipped down to her leg. "But no, I don't. It was nice seeing you, well, outside of here. Not like I haven't before, but," Lorelai was smiling slyly at him now. "You know what I mean."

She tried not to giggle but nodded and looked solemn. There was little that tickled her more than seeing Luke flustered. It didn't happen very often but it had occurred more and more lately and she was determined to enjoy it. "Yes, I do," she said, placing her hand on his, lacing their fingers together. He leaned toward her slowly. "Do you think we should turn off the lights so no one can see us?" She interrupted, sticking out her tongue.

"Lorelai," he said, but he was grinning. And surprisingly, he got up and flicked off the lights.

"Dirty!" She whispered as he walked back over to her, lacing his hand in hers again. But she was quiet as his lips found hers and the scruff of his cheek brushed hers. The ache in her chest seemed to lighten and she smiled up at him as they broke apart.

No more "maybe."

_fin_


End file.
